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i don’t really know how exactly  i’m feeling right now. 

i FEEL MISERABLE CRAZY AND WORTHLESS.

 I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FEEL BUT THIS SADNESS UNFOLDS THE MONSTER INSIDE ME. I feel so depressed i wanna lose hope but i’m fighting for my life because i’m a fighter, there’s a fighter inside of me that would make me stand in every battle of my life. I’m not used to these kinds of feelings especially FAILING. It’s crazy, it’s not fulfilling it’s making me want to give up everything that i’ve worked hard for, it seems like nothings worthy of what i am doing anything i do is nothing but trash and things alike. I can’t open to anyone i find it hard i’m so low right now that anybody who makes me feel like they care for me would be welcome in my world because i need love and care and affection those things are giving me hope to survive and get back on my feet further then. I’ve never been this lonely, i’ve never been this ashamed, embarrassed and i don’t really know how i feel inside. I’m CONFUSED, LAZY, SAD AND NUMB.MY LIFE SUCKS AND I CAN’T FIX IT. I DON’T HAVE A GOOD FAMILY, A GOOD SET OF FRIENDS , I JUST LOST MY BESTFRIEND MY BOYFRIEND’S NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I’M JUST LOST IN MY OWN WAY OF LIFE. I AM BEING CONSUMED BY MY WRATH AND DEPRESSION.  Nothing seems to make me feel good. I’m failing my own life plan. I’M FAILING MY PARENT’S, FRIENDS, FAMILIES AND MOST OF ALL MYSELF AND GOD. This is not what he wanted me to do. this is not what he wanted me to be. i know he’s around to take me to a place where he’ll mend me and me feel brand new and better than ever .  I WANNA FIND JESUS SO THAT HE CAN MAKE ME REST WITH HIM MAKE ME FEEL OK AND GIVE ME BACK THE LIFE I USED TO HAVE. I’VE TAKEN FOR GRANTED EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE. I’VE LOST EVERYTHING THAT I’VE WORKED FOR. MY EYES WERE SHUT DEAD SO IT CAN’T SEE WHATS HAPPENING BUT MY SKIN AND HEART’S STILL ALIVE SO THEY CAN FEEL EXACTLY HOW BLUE AND LONELY I COULD BE AND NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW HOW MY HEART IS BEING CRUSHED RIGHT NOW MY HEAD’S BEING CRUSHED AND NOTHING COULD EVER CURE ME FROM THIS ANXIETY I HAVE INSIDE ME . EVERYTHINGS BLACK IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW NOTHING IS RIGHT EVERYTHING’S WRONG.

cbeshaun:

YEAH. WE MADE IT.